I got some pretty good hints today, and fortunately was able to catch a few things on my own resume before it fell into the wrong hands. Apparently these are some things that may not look good to a prospective employer:
- Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets.
- Instrumental in ruining entire operations for a Midwest chain store.
- Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer sciences, curses in accounting.
- Personal: married, 1992 Chevrolet.
- I am a rabid typist.
- Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business.
- Personal interests: donating blood. 15 gallons so far!
- I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and absolutely no one.
- References: None. I've left a path of destruction behind me.
- Don't take the comments of my former employer too seriously. They were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers.
- My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possession no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.
- I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant.
- I am loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.
- Qualifications: No education or experience - I have an open mind.
- Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department.
- Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!
Posted by Paul
at 12:04 PM CDT
